There’s time, but Tiger sure isn’t cruising toward that Sam Snead record we all thought would be his

Is everybody finally agreed that Tiger Woods won’t top Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 major championship titles? OK, let’s move on to a topic that may be even more tender for his biggest supporters.

Fight it if you must, but there’s no ironclad guarantee that Tiger will top Sam Snead’s all-time record of 82 PGA Tour victories, either.

Tiger Woods watches a chip shot to the 15th green during the final round of the Wyndham Championship golf tournament at Sedgefield Country Club in Greensboro, N.C., Sunday, Aug. 23, 2015. (AP Photo/Rob Brown)
Tiger Woods watches a chip shot to the 15th green during the final round of the Wyndham Championship golf tournament at Sedgefield Country Club in Greensboro, N.C., Sunday, Aug. 23, 2015. (AP Photo/Rob Brown)

Not trying to be nasty here, or ridiculous. It’s just that Tiger is nowhere right now to building on his current total of 79 Tour victories.

Things could change but they haven’t for a while, at least not since his last win in 2013, and it’s gotten to where missed cuts don’t become the lead headlines that they used to be.

He had a shot at adding  No. 80 at Greensboro last weekend, a tournament he previously had never stooped to play, but there was no Sunday charge. A final-round 70 allowed nine players to finish ahead of him, with a toxic triple-bogey doing  most of the damage and sloppy play around the green the cause of it.

The good news is that it was Tiger’s first top-10 in a season that has been noted more for his missed cuts at three of the four majors. The bad news is that there no more chances to get another win in 2015 because Tiger doesn’t qualify for the year-end schedule of PGA Tour playoff events.

On Dec. 30 he turns 40. Not that old, really, for a world-class golfer.

Nothing stopping him from winning four more tour events somewhere down the line, providing he gets reacquainted with the fairway off the tee and remembers how to put four low rounds together. There’s the physical question, too, with back problems supposedly tamed but a hip issue arising.

The thing is, all the notes about Nicklaus, who won five times after his 40th birthday and included three more majors on the list, are losing their relevance.

So, too, are career comparisons to Snead, who turned 40 in May of 1952 and won 18 more PGA Tour events after that. He’s the guy whose smooth swing lasted forever. He’s the one you could never count out.

[Jim McElwain really rolled the dice by not signing a QB at Florida]

[The Heat are never far from raising a banner with Pat Riley in charge]

[If Ryan Tannehill’s really so lousy, Mike Wallace’s numbers will soar in Minnesota]

 

Davis Love III is another one like that. He’s been winning on Tour for close to 30 years and he can always win again when his game is on and his putter cooperative. It happened most recently at Greensboro last week. Love, 51, likes it there. Two of the three tournaments he’s won since his 40th birthday have come at Greensboro.

Come to think of it, Snead’s 80th and 82nd tour wins came at Greensboro, too.

The guess here is that if Tiger really does pass Snead, one key to the  achievement will be breaking through a few times at tournaments like that, when most of the top players are taking a break.

Keep in mind that from 1936 to 1961, Snead had just two winless seasons. He knew his game, and he knew how to make it work over the long run.

Tiger may prove me wrong and regain his own consitency, and it would be outstanding for golf if he did, but he’ll need to find a new game before he starts winning again, whether it’s one more time or a dozen. There are too many other top players out there. More, in fact, than Snead had to overcome in his day.

Miami Heat training camp only a month away and it sure doesn’t feel like 37-45 anymore

The Miami Heat are coming off a 37-45 season and it feels pretty darn good.

That’s not the sort of sentiment normally tied to a record like that, but training camp is just a month away (Sept. 26) and it’s time to start ramping up the expectations for the vision of Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Goran Dragic and Hassan Whiteside finally all running the court at once, plus A’mare Stoudemire and top draft pick Justise Winslow ready to come rumbling in off the bench.

That doesn’t sound or feel like a 37-45 team. That feels like the playoffs.

Miami Heat center Chris Bosh (1) poses for a photo on media day at AmericanAirlines Arena in Miami, Florida on September 26, 2014. (Allen Eyestone / The Palm Beach Post)
Miami Heat center Chris Bosh on 2014 media day at AmericanAirlines Arena in Miami. (Allen Eyestone / The Palm Beach Post)

Just to show the difference, psychologically and emotionally, think back to the last Heat team with a similar record.

Miami went 36-46 in the 2001-02 season. Eddie Jones led the team in scoring at 18.3 points per game but he was 30 and looking back on his former all-star years. Alonzo Mourning, one of the toughest players in Heat history, was still a top-five shotblocker and averaging 15.7 points per game but Zo’s days as a Heat regular were coming to a close. He missed the following season because of kidney disease so urgent that it necessitated a transplant.

Pat Riley was coaching the team at the time and depending on veterans like Brian Grant, Rod Strickland and Kendall Gill to play great defense collectively. They did that, but Miami couldn’t find any offensive flow, finishing last in the NBA at 87.2 points per game.

There was little reason to be excited about the following season. Even with promising draft pick Caron Butler joining the team, the Heat bottomed out at 25-57 in 2002-03 and Riley soon stepped aside as coach to start building for a championship run from the front office. Couldn’t see Wade coming in the draft just yet. Couldn’t see much of anything.

[The wide, wide world of football is headed toward 400-pound players]

[Jim McElwain really rolled the dice by not signing at quarterback at UF]

[With Pat Riley, the Heat are never far from raising a banner]

The franchise’s current situation has nothing in common with that dismal outlook. Even though Miami missed the playoffs last year, breaking a six-season string that included two NBA titles, there’s no reason to expect it will happen again.

LeBron James and the Cavaliers are better than Miami. The Chicago Bulls might be. That’s about it in the Eastern Conference.

If something is still needed to whet your appetite, the Heat’s opening preseason game is Oct. 4 vs. Charlotte at AmericanAirlines Arena. Sure, that’s a Sunday, but the Dolphins are playing the Jets in London at 9:30 that morning so there’s no conflict with the 6 p.m. basketball start.

At times like this, it seems South Florida sports fans really can have it all.

Dalvin Cook not guilty but Jimbo’s urgent team emphasis on accountability continues

 

Jimbo Fisher brought Maurice Clarett to campus to speak to the Florida State football team last week. It was one of those scared-straight teachable moments, and clearly a much better choice than having Pro Football Hall of Famer Cris Carter address the players.

Wearing an FSU football T-shirt, the former Ohio State running back held nothing back. Kicked off the Buckeyes team in 2003 after a spectacular freshman season and later imprisoned for nearly four years on aggravated robbery and weapons charges, Clarett talked to the Seminoles as if he could read some of their minds.

PHOENIX, ARIZONA, FIESTA BOWL, NCAA NATIONAL FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP. Ohio State vs. University of Miami: Ohio State's Maurice Clarett, 13, celebrates 2nd quarter TD with teammates. Photo by Scott Wiseman. JAN. 3, 2003 NOT FOR DISTRIBUTION OUTSIDE COX. NO SALES. TV OUT. TABLOIDS OUT. MAGAZINES OUT. WIDE WORLD OUT. INTERNET USE OUT. ORG XMIT: ORG XMIT: MER0709061644506146
Ohio State’s Maurice Clarett, 13, celebrates 2nd quarter TD against Miami in 2003 Fiesta Bowl. Photo by Scott Wiseman, Palm Beach Post.

“A lot of ya’ll need to grow up,” he said. “That’s the bottom line. What happened to Maurice Clarett in prison was, I needed to grow the bleep up. You had the world in your hands, the NFL in your hands, and you bleeped it up because you want to be a gangsta.

“There’s a lot of people in this room that want to be that.”

Strong medicine, and if you read the college football headlines, there are people at every major college program who could use a dose of it as a preventative.

Now, however, that the Dalvin Cook trial is over and the Seminoles running back has been found not guilty of misdemeanor battery against a woman, another idea comes to mind.

Jimbo would have been well served by bringing his team, one small unit at a time, to attend a portion of Cook’s one-day trial at the Leon County Courthouse.

Maybe some of them would have missed practice. So what?

Maybe some would have missed a class. Don’t football players and their academic advisors figure out how to make up work and get study notes on the weekends when the team leaves for road games?

[On a creampuff list of season openers in our state, the Gators draw softest foe]

[With Pat Riley, the Heat are never far from raising a banner]

[It’s finally safe to look foward to Jeff Driskel starting a college football game again]

 

Bottom line, there is no media report and no word-of-mouth synopsis that can duplicate the tension of being in court with real consequences on the line and the outcome in the hands of a jury. What a lousy, sickening feeling, and that goes double when the defendant believes he has done no wrong. The attorneys are circling, the family members in the courtroom seats are struggling to hold it together and the court reporter is getting it all down in case some appeals court winds up chewing on the same grisly bone all over again.

To see a teammate and a friend in that situation would make real the possibility of forfeiting a football career over one stupid night, regardless of the validity of the claims against you.

Even for players who have been in court to see a family member or a friend on trial, the thought of being separated from the game should provide an extra jolt, sort of like the one that Clarett has been trying to deliver in speeches at FSU, Notre Dame, Alabama, LSU, TCU, Texas A&M, Kentucky, Cincinnati and more.

Cook is not Clarett. I’m not saying that. The jury needed just 25 minutes Monday to decide that the FSU star did nothing illegal, and that was after hours of testimony in which the accuser and other witnesses failed to convince jurors otherwise. Now he returns to practice, without restrictions, because

Florida State Seminoles running back Dalvin Cook (4) scores winning touchdown on at Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida on November 15, 2014. (Allen Eyestone / The Palm Beach Post)
Florida State Seminoles running back Dalvin Cook (4) scores winning touchdown on at Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida on November 15, 2014. (Allen Eyestone / The Palm Beach Post)

none have been earned.

After a summer, however, in which Jimbo kicked another player off the team in light of video evidence of barroom battery on a woman, and after a 2014 season in which former Seminoles star Jameis Winston was targeted and later cleared in a sexual assault investigation, there’s always more to be learned about accountability.

If a coach can make the whole team run laps because one guy messed up at practice, why can’t he make them sit in a courtroom and stew in the seriousness of it when one of their own messes up off campus?

Oh, and the coach ought to be there, too, when the verdict comes in. He’s responsible for the whole bunch, from national signing day to graduation. He needs to see his team as the world sees it, and share in that every step of the way.

 

 

Buzz of Usain Bolt’s 100-meter win has me thinking of Rio already

 

Caught NBC’s Sunday broadcast of the 100-meter final from the World Track and Field Championships in Beijing. What a rush.

Usain Bolt won the race, the way you always expect him to, in 9.79 seconds. The more fascinating number to me is the Jamaican’s age, 29. Crazier yet is the age of runnerup Jason Gatlin, who is 33 and missed out on a dead heat tie by one-hundredth of a second.

Jamaica's Usain Bolt, right, wins the gold medal in the men's 100m ahead of United States' Justin Gatlin, left, at the World Athletics Championships at the Bird's Nest stadium in Beijing, Sunday, Aug. 23, 2015. (AP Photo/Lee Jin-man)
Jamaica’s Usain Bolt, right, wins the gold medal in the men’s 100m ahead of United States’ Justin Gatlin, left, at the World Athletics Championships at the Bird’s Nest stadium in Beijing, Sunday, Aug. 23, 2015. (AP Photo/Lee Jin-man)

Only a robotic eye could capture a sliver of time so infinitesimal and deliver it as unblinking fact, but it’s a wonder of the human body that we’re talking about this at all.

How does anyone take the astonishing speed of the world’s fastest human and wrap it into a training regimen so tight that the lightning maintains its pop for years and years?

This is the kind of event that should be won by men much younger, and younger, and younger, rather than being dominated by one athlete over a long period of time. Every shot out of the blocks is a hamstring pull waiting to happen. Every meet puts the champion on notice that one misspent second could shatter his reputation, and his career.

I’ll never forget standing near the finish line at the 1988 Seoul Olympics when Carl Lewis and Ben Johnson came barreling down the track. That moment felt like the ultimate payoff on the decision to become a sportswriter because there’s no doubt that millions of people around the globe would have traded almost anything to be in my place.

Then, in a flash, it was over. Johnson, 26, was announced as the winner in 9.79 seconds, the same time that Bolt posted the other day. Lewis, 27, came in second, a bitter disappointment that he covered by saying he had done the best he could do on the big stage and could live with that.

[Jim McElwain really rolled the dice by not signing a quarterback in February]

[With Pat Riley, the Heat are never far from raising a banner]

[If Ryan Tannehill’s really so lousy, Mike Wallace’s numbers will soar in Minnesota]

Scrambling down a ladder from field level and then sprinting down a hallway to file a deadline column, I had no idea that the story was changing still and faster than anyone knew. Three days later it was announced that a post-race drug test showed an anabolic steroid called Stanozolol in Johnson’s system. By the time the international press learned about it, Big Ben was on his way home to Canada, his gold medal handed to Lewis, his Olympic victory erased.

Turns out the cheetah was a cheater.

Now it’s Gatlin, gold medalist from the 2004 Olympics in Athens, who is being portrayed by some as the villain in some new track drama. He served his own suspension for steroid use, beginning in 2006, and is not an adored showman like Bolt.

What’s fascinating, though, is the way Gatlin has moved past the shame and pushed his world-class skills to the limit once more. At the 2012 London Olympics he won a bronze medal in the 100. In 2016 at the Rio de Janeiro Games he expects to medal again, but this time Gatlin wants gold.

He’ll be 34 years and six months old when that opportunity comes, and scrutinized more closely than ever by race officials and fans and, most of all, his rivals. Just imagine, a runner contemplating the possibility of Olympic medals won 12 years apart in the fastest race of them all.

The guy’s got guts, and it bothered me to hear television and radio analysts deriding him the other day for blowing the Beijing race by .01 seconds.

Here’s hoping Gatlin makes it to Rio still at top speed and gives Bolt another good jolt. It’s a long way off but sprinters can’t think about that. They think about training goals. They think about preparation.

Then, when the time is right and the whole world is watching, they launch themselves, fearlessly, into a jet stream of their own making.

 

 

They’re all wimpy, but Florida’s season opener is the softest

 

Wimpy season openers are a college football tradition. Among other things, they give major coaches a little leeway when it comes to suspending players who messed up during the summer.

cupcakesHard to fight that kind of self-serving momentum, but ESPN keeps doing it with splashy Kickoff Classic showcase games, plus that quirky College Football Playoff crew has got people fretting over strength-of-schedule, too.

Florida State, for instance, opens with Ole Miss in Orlando in 2016, followed by Alabama in Atlanta in 2017.

Florida gets Jim Harbaugh and Michigan at Cowboys Stadium to open the 2017 season. Miami’s there the following year to open against LSU.

But what do we get this year? One more guilt-free swing at the pinatas for the state’s top three.

On Sept. 5 FSU ramps it up against Texas State, 7-5 a season ago in the Sun Belt.

The Hurricanes keep it in-state with Bethune-Cookman. The Wildcats went 9-3 last year to earn a spot in the Top 25 of the smaller Football Championship Subdivision.

That leaves New Mexico State for the Gators. The Aggies are Sun Belt bottom-feeders, 2-10 last year, but not too proud to schedule their own wimpy opener in 2014. That was a 28-10 win over Cal Poly of the FCS.

[Jim McElwain really rolled the dice by not signing a QB for his first year at Florida]

[Can 400-pound college football players be that far away?]

[With Pat Riley, the Heat are never far from raising a banner]

How do we make any of this interesting? Why, by ranking the runts, of course.

I figure Texas State would handle Bethune in a tight game. The Bobcats are coached by Dennis Franchione, who made people mad by the way he left head coaching positions at TCU, Alabama and

HOUSTON, TX - SEPTEMBER 01: Texas State Bobcats head coach Dennis Franchione waits on the sideline during their game against the Houston Cougars during their game at Robertson Stadium on September 1, 2012 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
HOUSTON, TX – Texas State Bobcats head coach Dennis Franchione on the sideline during game against the Houston Cougars on September 1, 2012 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

Texas A&M. He had winning records at each of those stops, which is saying something. Maybe he’s

finally found his comfort level at (wait a minute while we look this up) San Marcos, Tex. Either way, the guy can coach.

Bethune would splatter New Mexico State, meanwhile, if they were to play, which means that new Florida coach Jim McElwain benefits from the softest of the three sparring partners.

Matter of fact, this is as close to a do-over on last year’s storm-canceled Idaho opener as the Gators could get. Idaho went 1-10 last year, and that single victory was against New Mexico State.

I’ll say it again. If the weather had lifted for even half of a game against Idaho, Florida would have been 8-5 in 2014. Not enough to save Will Muschamp’s job but not quite as pitiful as his final season is portrayed.  Some pretty stout SEC rivals – Auburn, LSU and Texas A&M – only made it to eight wins last year and Steve Spurrier couldn’t get there at South Carolina.

All right, that’s the best we can do to set the opening table. Go to the games. Howl at the moon. Kick up some dust. Enjoy it while you can. It won’t be so casual for anyone the rest of the way.

 

The wide, wide world of football is headed toward 400-pound players

 

Sports Illustrated has a feature about a 6-foot-7 man who plays offensive tackle for Baylor and weighs 392 pounds while he’s doing it.

Baylor coach Art Briles likes the athleticism of LaQuan McGowan so much that he’s even drawn up a few pass plays for the big man. He’s used them in game situations, too, with a Cotton Bowl touchdown against Michigan State as a result.

“I think in 20 years there will be a lot of 400-pound football players,” Briles told the magazine.

Baylor safety Mallory Franklin (35) stops LaQuan McGowan after a catch and a short run during a NCAA college football intrasquad scrimmage Friday, March 20, 2015, in Waco, Texas. (AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)
Baylor safety Mallory Franklin (35) stops LaQuan McGowan after a catch and a short run during a NCAA college football intrasquad scrimmage Friday, March 20, 2015, in Waco, Texas. (AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

Makes you wonder what Amos Alonzo Stagg was saying 100 years ago. I figure it was something like “You just wait. One of these days there are going to be football players who weigh 220 pounds or more, and that’s without their high-top shoes.”

Back when I first started covering the Miami Dolphins as a regular beat in 1983, Don Shula drafted a defensive tackle from Syracuse named Mike Charles. The kid was one of youngest players in the NFL at 21 and he still was going through a growth spurt at 6-feet-4 and 292 pounds.

Shula, however, couldn’t swallow the concept of a finely tuned athlete weighing 300 pounds and he refused to let Charles come close, submitting the player to strict diets and extra running during the toughest stretch of two-a-day summer practices. Never mind that the guy’s body fat index was plenty low and his speed impressive.

[Jim McElwain really rolled the dice by not signing a QB for his first year at Florida]

[Clunker of a college football poll ranks Canes, Noles and Gators out of top 40 teams all-time]

[With Pat Riley, Miami Heat are never far from raising a banner]

A few years later, Mike Ditka had William Perry scoring touchdowns in the Super Bowl as the secret offensive weapon of the Chicago Bears, and the Refrigerator only weighed 335 or so, allegedly.

Just for kicks, I looked back to Vince Lombardi’s first Super Bowl team from 50 years ago. Nobody on Green Bay’s offensive line weighed more than Forrest Gregg at 249 pounds. Bill Curry played center for the Pack at 6-3 and 235. Today, that would be like sending a giraffe into the lion’s den.

Whistle through the Miami Dolphins’ training camp roster today to find a player who approximates Curry’s former playing size and weight and you come up with McLeod Bethel-Thompson. He’s a quarterback.

It just seems that young people are bigger with each new generation. Now we just need somebody to recognize that in the building of stadium seats.

Jim McElwain really rolled the dice by not signing a quarterback

Struck me as odd in February when new Florida coach Jim McElwain didn’t sign a quarterback. The Gators ranked 104th out of 125 Div. I teams last season in passing offense. What were they running under Will Muschamp, the wishbone?

Was McElwain thinking that Treon Harris (one game with 200-plus passing yards) or Will Grier (redshirt in 2014) could be built into something more dangerous? Possibly, but depth is essential at this most crucial of positions, and the patient preparation of young talent, too.

Jim McElwain (Getty Images)
Jim McElwain (Getty Images)

There’s also the possibility that McElwain didn’t want to sign somebody just to sign somebody. Nothing all that efficient about giving a scholarship to a guy you pray will never have to play.

Or, even better, did Big Mac have his eyes on a potential transfer quarterback or two? With his reputation for productive offensive strategies and a resume that includes developing A.J. McCarron into a two-time national championship quarterback at Alabama, McElwain and the Gators might well have seemed an attractive option for some highly-ranked passer who wasn’t playing as much as he wanted somewhere else.

[With Pat Riley, the Miami Heat are never far from raising a banner]

[If Ryan Tannehill is so lousy, Mike Wallace’s numbers should soar at Minnesota]

[SEC media preseason vote doesn’t give McElwain enough credit]

Didn’t McElwain take a quarterback with no Power-Five offers (Garrett Grayson) and push him to success at Colorado State and a spot in the NFL as a third-round pick by the New Orleans Saints? This coach definitely knows what he is doing.

The problem is that the Gators have dropped too far off the map in the SEC for McElwain or anyone else to instantly transform them into a magnet. You know, like Oregon is.

The Ducks were in the inaugural College Football Playoff, led by Heisman Trophy winner Marcus Mariota, and now they’ve added Vernon Adams, a graduate transfer who threw 110 touchdown passes in his career at Eastern Washington.

McElwain knows that part of the country. He knows that Adams is eligible to play right away. Matter of fact, he played quarterback at Eastern Washington himself. Yet the star quarterback at McElwain’s alma mater gave consideration to offers from Oregon, Texas and UCLA. Not Florida.

Then there was Everett Golson, the Notre Dame grad looking for a new place to play. McElwain had him in his office on the Gainesville campus for a courtesy call but Jimbo Fisher is the one who got Golson into his school and into his program. If Golson doesn’t wind up starting for Florida State this year, it will come as a surprise.

Now Ricky Town has been granted a release from USC and is looking to transfer. He will need to sit

U.S. Army All-American West's Ricky Town (18) passes against the East during the first half of the U.S. Army All-American Bowl high school football game, Saturday, Jan. 3, 2015, in San Antonio. (AP Photo/Eric Gay)
Ricky Town (18) passes against the East during the first half of the U.S. Army All-American Bowl high school football game Jan. 3, 2015, in San Antonio. (AP Photo/Eric Gay)

out a year per NCAA rules wherever he goes next and, as our Anthony Chiang reports, Town may look to Florida as an option. That’s because Gators offensive coordinator Doug Nussmeier has a previous relationship with the player, having recruited him during an earlier stop at Alabama.

That would be good for the Gators if Town looks their way. He’s a freshman and was one of the nation’s top pro-style prospects coming out of high school.

Still, it’s mid-August, less than three weeks from McElwain’s debut as Florida coach. Too late for the cavalry to come charging in now, at least when it comes to the 2015 season.

McElwain will press ahead with the passers he’s got, still undecided between Harris and Grier, still counting on Gator fans to work with him while he works with a team that has questions and depth problems at far more positions than quarterback alone.

It may not be pretty for a while, but remember that Nick Saban, McElwain’s old boss, faced a similar challenge at Alabama. Saban’s first team in Tuscaloosa went 7-6 with a home loss to Louisiana-Monroe and a 4-4 record in conference.

The good ones tough it out and they do it their way, relying on previous results as a guide. Put McElwain, who went from 4-8 to 10-2 in three seasons at Colorado State, in that category.

UPDATE: Ricky Town told ESPN on Friday morning that he will transfer to Arkansas.

Tom Brady’s not in courtroom but here are some artist’s sketches just the same

 

We know how disappointed you must be that Tom Brady is practicing with the Patriots today and not attending the latest Deflategate hearing in federal court. No Brady in the courtroom means no more of those Brady courtroom sketches, a source of endless fascination last week.

As a public service, we commissioned a series of recent sketches of the quarterback outside the courtroom and in his natural environment. The artists are not professionals. In fact, they are free-lancers and not particularly skilled but we feel they have captured the essence of their subject as closely as the sketcher who drew Brady’s image for national media publication a week ago.

Here is the first submission from our team of free-lancers. It is a rapid artist’s rendering of Brady stepping out of the Patriots training facility in Foxborough Tuesday afternoon and trying to remember where he parked his car.

quasy

 

Next we have this quick doodle of Brady walking his dog upon returning home Tuesday night and being startled by the sketch artist.

scobby

 

 

Now, from a courtroom artist who also happens to have some classical training, we offer this rendering of Brady preparing to shave as he rises on Wednesday morning. As this assignment was on deadline, the product may seem to be a bit rushed but is considered acceptable under current courtroom artist standards.

 

pablo

 

Last, as a bonus to our subscribers, here is a sketch of Brady’s courtroom nemesis, Roger Goodell, as submitted by a staff member at the NFL Players Association.

 

zeus

Let us know what you think. I’m leaning toward the dog-walking sketch because it looks the most realistic, but they’re all on a par with this one, right?

 

sketch

Robert Griffin III might just be loopy enough to draft himself in a fantasy league

Ryan Tannehill rarely says anything worth quoting. Doesn’t mean he lacks intelligence. To the contrary, it proves he has plenty.

Compare Tannehill’s formless cloud of clichés with the lightning bolt that Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III unfurled on Monday. It’s a quote that could be considered bulletin-board material for the Sept. 13 regular-season opener between the Dolphins and Redskins if it weren’t so ridiculous.

Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III (10) against the Cleveland Browns during an NFL preseason football game, Thursday, Aug. 13, 2015, in Cleveland. (AP Photo/Ron Schwane)
Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III  against the Cleveland Browns during an NFL preseason football game, Thursday, Aug. 13, 2015. (AP Photo/Ron Schwane)

“I feel like I’m the best quarterback in the league,” RG III told a Washington television station, “and I have to go out and show that. Any athlete at any level, if they concede to someone else, they’re not a top competitor, they’re not trying to be the best they can be.

“There’s guys in this league that have done way more than me, but I still view myself as the best because that’s what I work toward every single day.”

Griffin, remember, missed six games to injury last season and later was benched in favor of Colt McCoy. It wouldn’t be that difficult finding a Washington fan who contends Griffin isn’t even the best quarterback on his own team. With him in charge last year, the Redskins went 2-5.

I’ll cut RG III a little slack, though, considering he’s only trying to boost his own confidence.

In return, I would only ask that he and everyone else agree that I am the most goodest thinker of deep and undisputedable football stuff that ever was borned.

 

 

 

What if sports celebrities actually believed what their fortune cookies were telling them?

Picked up Chinese food the other night and it got me thinking. Do you imagine some of our biggest sports celebrities ever drew inspiration or guidance from the message inside a fortune cookie?

OAKLAND, CA - JUNE 04:  LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers makes contact with Andre Iguodala #9 of the Golden State Warriors in the first quarter during Game One of the 2015 NBA Finals at ORACLE Arena on June 4, 2015 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of Getty Images License Agreement.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images) ***BESTPIX***
OAKLAND, CA – JUNE 04: LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers makes contact with Andre Iguodala #9 of the Golden State Warriors during Game One of the 2015 NBA Finals. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

Picture a young LeBron James trying to decide whether he should take his talents to South Akron or maybe another high school on the north side. Then he cracks open a cookie and reads the following.

“Trust your instincts. The universe is guiding your life.”

So true, or so he clearly has been led to believe.

Here are a few more. Not saying they actually happened, but it would have made sense.

Serena Williams opens a fortune cookie at the beginning of her pro career and smiles as she reads “A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition.”

Tim Tebow says a blessing before downing his chow mein and reads this in the dessert that follows: “Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.”

Jeff Gordon considers his sporting options as a middle-schooler and is enabled by this cookie prompt: “Great adventures await those who are willing to turn the corner.”

Ricky Williams seeks wisdom on the night before he retires from the Miami Dolphins to travel in the Australian outback and finds this fortune helpful: “As the purse is emptied, the heart is filled.”

[Coach Boom sure would like a shot at the Gators right about now]

[How Donald Trump almost stole Don Shula from the Dolphins]

[Yet another reason why a GM shouldn’t step into the manager’s role]

Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith share a meal together and then fight over the cookie that contains this fortune: “A fanatic is one who won’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”

Peyton Manning opens this fortune cookie on the night before his Super Bowl victory over the Bears incookie Miami – “If you want the rainbow you must put up with the rain” – and forlornly reads another on the night before his 43-8 Super Bowl loss to Seattle – “Your great attention to detail is both a blessing and a curse.”

Finally, imagine Dennis Rodman reading this message while trying to choose between getting another tattoo or stopping at an even 100.

“A conclusion is simply the place where you get tired of thinking.”